Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
