I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
