i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
