out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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