Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
