I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
