he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
