Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
