Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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