Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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