Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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