i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
