Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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