I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
