you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
