Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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