Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He passed out mid-signature
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize