I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
