Umm I'm too high to move.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
