I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
