I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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