I'm going to rape someone's good day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize