the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
