I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
