Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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