My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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