i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
