While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
