what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
