She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
