I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
