piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
