remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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