Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
