If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
