Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
