i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
