listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
