Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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