i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
