Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
