My Higher Power is John Stamos
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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