it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
