I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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