We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
