I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
