I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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