i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
