You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
