can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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