how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
