Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
