He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
