At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize