I'm going to jail i love you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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