He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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