That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
