my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize