You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
