I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
