If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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