My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
