you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
