No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
