If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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