tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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