Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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