I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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