I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
