my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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