I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
