We're like a lot better than the average bears
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Randomize
