I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
