i think my tv is drunk
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
