I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize