hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
