I'm jealous of your bromance
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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