BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize