im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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