I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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