singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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