I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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