Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just want to make out with him forever
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
