haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
