I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
