it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
