she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
