Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
