i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
