if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
