don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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