Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
