your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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