ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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