He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
