he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
