i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
