everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
