You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
