have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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