Small penises have feelings too.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
