She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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