all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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