Where did you get a picture of my penis
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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