he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
